MICHUL
SELLOR

The year is 2000. Michul runs a software company that reports glorious profits — until auditors notice the profits were, in the technical accounting sense, imaginary. The SEC charges him with fraud. On a single Monday his net worth drops by roughly $6 billion. He settles, coughs up millions, and the stock craters. A normal person would log off forever.

Instead, two decades later, Michul re-emerges as a Bitcoin messiah who buys the top with borrowed money, dilutes his own shareholders on repeat, and invents a shiny new metric every time the old one looks embarrassing. He swears he will NEVER sell™ — right up until he needs cash for dividends, at which point selling becomes "an inconsequential nothingburger."

$SELLOR is the official cope coin for everyone who watched this man speak in "swarms of cyber hornets serving the goddess of wisdom" and thought: "someone has to make fun of this." So we did. The design is perfect.